A POSTCARDS FROM DAD.
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. Scott Adam
Sometime in last year, I am torn to a situation that I break down and felt the world has turned its back on me. The most unforgettable surprise I ever had is been the most painful and unwanted. It is so just unreal and to good to be true that I was not even expecting in my wildest dreams.
As I began searching to find the answers to all questions that has entirely occupied my mind. I asked myself, could there have been something that I have done? Why do I deserve such punishment and why among the many it has to be me? I lift my prayers sending all my hopes and optimism to God in finding the answers. Many days and weeks have past.
I came to a point that has given up my job losing focus and being unresponsive. I am no longer effective. The whole things drove me in despair and misery. I began isolating myself in public and from people around me. My heart is filled with anger. Too blinded by the agony that I don’t see any forgiveness to compensate all the hurting. I didn’t notice that my own shadow has overpowered me and driven myself bewilderment. I hardly understand apologetic people because they have done mistakes causing them to hurt other. One should always be considerate and must anticipate all prerogatives before doing an act. What could be an outcome or what will it cause other?
The time has come that I got exhausted and become defiant. I come to surrender the battle and would want to leave it behind. I came with my last resort reaching for my family. I called dad and no answers on mobile phones and so I sent him an email which I am sure it will reach him in no time. I told him ill be home soon probably in the next couple of weeks. He answered me by sending an SMS, said I saw your email I’ll answer you back later tonight. It was almost midnight when I have read his message. I was stuck by surprise. A portion of his letter made me speechless. I didn’t tell them of what has actually happened.
Why suddenly? Are you already giving up? Remember what your grandpa always told you?You thought that it is the end of the road and you didn’t find what you’re seeking for, taking the u-turn slot will make it all vanish? That’s cheating. You wanted to go home because you wanted to escape isn’t? Son, it is been 5 years when you last visited home? You have been into many places. You travel a lot. But have you remembered spending vacation even for holidays at home? And yet we did not bother to ask you? Son, we don’t forbid you in going home, in fact, we will be all excited. But when your reason is a mere excuse from what you may be dealing today? It wouldn’t help you.
And I responded him.
How can I heal a pain made brought by the past if I am deeply wounded? Thinking of what may have went wrong? Where did I go wrong? What were my mistakes? It is been a year ago and even wherever I go memories behind keeps taunting me. Most people would say, it is my choice to choose to dwell on it. Probably, I may say yes? How would I forget such terrible nightmare and easily forget within 365 days where I can’t stand to accept that the person who caused me such troublesome is whom I was with in 1,500 days? If it’s that kind of simple and how I always wish it is? Why would I intend to suffer myself?
And dad answered me back.
From your siblings, you are the weakest one in admitting a mistake. Son, everybody commits mistakes. It is something you should learn and value a learning. And saying sorry doesn’t diminish your whole being. If you needed to cry then go on it will help you cleanses your agony. Men also cry, I myself cry. No law is prohibiting men to cry.It is a courage to show everyone else that you are not coward to admit your fault. Try to moderate your pride with the situation is in between. In the same way, of accepting other people mistakes. Be bold to admit that you might as well has a mistake but because you were fueled by your anxiousness, you may have overlooked your own mistakes. Do not think of what may have gone wrong instead focus of what you can do forward.
What I wanted you to do is stand with courage how exactly the way we look up at you. Be the man that you used to be.
Dad always reminded us, maturity is something you acquired when you approaches the growing years it inculcates from own experiences and life learning lessons. Maturity is something you built on your own and not a birthday present you receive from someone. And maturity also comes with great responsibility.
Dad is half the man I always wanted to become. Thanks, Dad.
Some of the photos are from dad. He also loves photography. Places from my hometown region-Cotabato City.